So here we are – the thirteen week mark. All those weeks ago it really felt like I would never hit the second trimester. It really did, at times, feel like a mythical and made-up period of time, like there is no such thing as this apparently much easier three month period of being pregnant. And yet, the days ticked over and here we are. I realise that, amidst everything that happened overseas and in the weeks that followed when we arrived home, I didn’t post the adorable twelve-week ultrasound.
Look how bloody adorable he is – yes, HE. I feel like it is definitely a he, and I will be incredibly surprised if he turns out to have a vagina and be a she. Going into the appointment I (perhaps naively) was only expecting to be greeted with the familiar twelve-week ultrasound image of the budding baby. I have seen it so many times before from various girls I went to high school with who all have kids. What I was not expecting, was to see our baby move.
To date, it was one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. Man even said to me just last night, "I will never forget that moment, never."
When I lay down for the ultrasound we were shown that the baby was asleep. There he was, curled on his back, his little limbs bobbing up and down gently in the amniotic fluid. With a quick wriggle of the wand, the technician woke him up. Our beautiful little baby the proceeded to stretch and roll over, waking up just like his dad. Seeing that brought tears to my eyes, I looked at Man and said exactly what he was thinking, “Just like his Dad.”
To make sure everything was okay with the baby, the technician continued to wriggle the wand in hopes of coercing bubba to move around. We saw him turn onto his stomach, turn his back to us and turn to face us (which sounds cuter than it was – a baby facing you in an ultrasound looks like predator). Seeing him move and knowing that that was happening right inside me in real time was completely and utterly surreal, even more so because neither Man nor I were expecting it.
The last time we saw bubba he was but a dark speck in the vast expanse of my uterus. Now, seeing him with a face and moving working limbs and a giant head (which we are told is a good thing) and tiny little feet, well, we really started to feel like a family – even if one of us does look like predator.
Everything went well with the ultrasound, Man and I have an extremely healthy child and, the technician joked, a very good-looking one.
Now, a week on from that and I am feeling pretty good! I have become the ultimate cliché and am loving myself a pickle. Loving myself sick with pickles actually. I wonder what it is about them that make pregnant women weak at the knees with desire. I have looked it up and it is either the sodium/vinegar/crunch factor. I enjoy pickles for all of these reasons. Pregnant women before are also right on the money when they say that headaches will replace nausea in the second trimester. I haven’t felt nauseous in a while now, not since about week ten/eleven, but the headaches are constant. I’m not dehydrated because I am also constantly drinking litres and litres of water – the headaches are just a thing.
I am also extremely emotional. It has been hard to gauge as Man and I have had probably the hardest month either of us will ever endure, however my emotions are definitely more heightened than normal. I had the urge to watch Spy Kids 2 (don’t ask me why) and when Antonio Banderas’ character was made the Head of OSS, I cried. I cried because he worked really hard for that position and he had earned it. Well done Antonio.
But really, that should about sum up where my emotions are at currently.
Man has done extremely well navigating this tumultuous and difficult period with me, his pregnant partner. He is always available to me when I need him, and somehow always knows the exact time of day to check up on me when I most need it. So to you Man, I love you and you are doing really, REALLY well.
One thing I definitely need is a new bra. A bra with no underwire because underwire is a bitch and it hurts and it stops me from digesting my food and it makes me boobs hurt. So that is next on the purchasing list. Speaking of pregnancy clothes, the maternity gear that I ordered from ASOS is absolutely brilliant. The jeans are comfortable and fit like normal jeans everywhere else and, although the t-shirts are too big for my bump right now, I tried them on the quality is absolutely incredible. Highly recommend.
Sleep is something that I will admit to be struggling with. As I have mentioned before, I have never been a great sleeper. And, as I mentioned earlier in this post, Man and I have had a really hard and emotionally taxing month which would result in shit sleep for anyone. I can’t lie on my stomach anymore as it makes my belly and my breasts hurt, so when Man isn’t there to be my little spoon (yes, I wrote that correctly) I have been using a spare pillow to push up against my stomach so I can lie comfortably on my side. It helps a lot.
Other pregnant moments have included: Watching What to Expect When You’re Expecting in bed, with the electric blanket on whilst eating a jumbo packet of cheese supreme Doritos. Having doughnuts delivered to my workplace from my beautiful sister. Baking an entire chocolate cake because I felt like cake. Never finishing a sentence, ever. Trying to start my car without the key.
All in all, the first trimester, in hindsight, was a heck of a lot harder than anyone ever told me or alluded to. I was expecting people to say things like, “Oh my god, you are glowing, what are you doing to have such a glow?!” And then I would gush and rub my stomach and tell them I was pregnant and there would be tears and so much happiness. Whereas in reality, I was wearing loose clothes so as not to be found out about at work, trying to focus on one very still focal point so as not to vomit, and falling asleep at around 7.25pm (note, I am still falling asleep around then). As hard as it was though – because it was, it was really fucking challenging – I still enjoyed every single moment of it, even when I wasn’t. Even when I was complaining and crying and eating my third packet of chips for the day, I still felt (and continue to feel) so incredibly blessed and fortunate to be carrying a healthy bubba. Everywhere I go, I have company. Even in these early stages, I am going on outings specifically to take Bubba out. The maternal feelings and drive is so real, and I have never felt more happy or content, loved and supported.